negotiation Archives - Real Estate News and Commentary

Studies suggest that your experience during a real estate transaction may depend on you and your agent’s ability to communicate. Clear communication between you and your agent should leave no doubt about your intentions, as well as your agent’s ability to convey and interpret motivations from your counterpart. How to understand the games people play in real estate.

A pop-psychology theory called Transactional Analysis, originally used as a psychotherapeutic tool, has been touted as a way to facilitate communication and assertiveness. One of the giants in the field was Dr. Eric Berne, whose work seems to carry more weight in the corporate world today as it did when his self help book “Games People Play” was first published in the 1960’s.

Games people play during real estate transactions

Have you ever wondered why a certain person makes you respond in a way, which, after the fact you thought was unpleasant or embarrassing? Transactional Analysis theory suggests that, unbeknownst to many, we often react and interact with each other in a way that can be described as games. Not so much the games that you might think, but more precisely these are psycho-emotional games that are played to satisfy unconscious needs that were not met during our childhood and adolescence (also called ulterior motives). And because these behaviors and traits are part of our behavioral “repertoire,” we are more than likely unaware of them in many situations. These ulterior motives can get in the way of a successful real estate transaction.

A simple explanation of Dr. Berne’s theory is that there are three mindsets from which we interact: the parent, the adult, and the child. When you interact as the “parent,” you are acting much like you perceived how your parents’ responded to situations; acting as the “child,” you react as you would have when you were very young. However, when you interact as the “adult,” you are reacting autonomously and objectively. Conflicts can arise when the mindsets are not amenable.

For example, if you’re butting heads with your agent because both of you are claiming to be the expert and the other should listen intently, chances are that both of you may be interacting with each other in a “parent” mindset. Likewise, if a home buyer and seller tantrum and attempt to bully each other over accepting the other’s offer, they are most likely reacting as the “child.” While the objective “adult” interacts and reacts free from unconscious motivations, and is most likely to communicate clearly and resolve most issues that interfere with a successful transaction.

Negotiation, like communication, is sometimes described as a game of personalities. It is a common misconception successful negotiators are good at bluffing; this belief may actually originate from a person’s own unconscious tendency toward dishonest communication described by Berne as “ulterior motives.” In fact, top negotiators happen to be honest communicators. Even though Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” is often thought of as a metaphor for negotiation, it might be considered an early precursor to Transactional Analysis, since the piece is about sizing up and dealing with your counterpart.

This article not meant to give psychiatric advice (please seek a mental health professional if necessary); rather, this is meant to offer an alternate perspective of communication with your agent and counterpart. Regardless of the outcome, communication is a key factor in determining whether your home buying and selling experience will be positive or negative.

by Dan Krell
© 2013

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Disclaimer. This article is not intended to provide nor should it be relied upon for legal and financial advice. Readers should not rely solely on the information contained herein, as it does not purport to be comprehensive or render specific advice. Readers should consult with an attorney regarding local real estate laws and customs as they vary by state and jurisdiction. Using this article without permission is a violation of copyright laws. Copyright © 2013 Dan Krell.

Self defeating attitudes can interfere with your negotiating tactics; so get out of the way and negotiate to win.

What seems like many years ago, I read a book titled “Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior” by Mark Goulston and Philip Goldberg. If you don’t get the gist of the book by its title, the book describes how people can become obstacles to their own success. And although the book was about personal growth, the premise can apply to self defeating attitudes brought forward during negotiating a real estate transaction.

Obviously, the purpose to entering into a real estate transaction is to either buy or sell a home. However, buyers and/or sellers can sometimes become obstacles in their own path to success; they may lose sight of the bigger picture and can make poor decisions – especially in negotiating price, repairs, and other issues that may pop up throughout the process. For example, a home buyer who seeks a low priced bargain may become frustrated wondering why he is constantly outbid; while the home seller who insists on an unsupported high price might become disappointed when there are no offers.

It is common knowledge that “the first rule” of negotiation is to not be emotional. However, many decisions about buying and selling a home are often based on emotion; additionally, expectation and anticipation often influence home buyers and sellers. If emotions take over, the larger goal is often lost to a narrow focus on seemingly insignificant and petty matters.

Get out of your way by sticking to the facts. Armed with data and facts, there is less conjecture and you are more likely to be persuasive in your arguments. Additionally, concentrating on facts can also help you stay focused on the larger picture of buying or selling your home. For example, when pricing or making offers – use recent neighborhood comps and look for data driven market sales trends (rather than relying on what you hear on the news). Looking at all the facts can also help negotiate other items, such as home inspection repairs; having contractor estimates may assist in resolving an impasse.

Sometimes buyers and sellers go into a transaction with a “win-lose” attitude, where they expect that their position is always correct. Being “aggressive” towards your counterparts may seem the best way to get what you want; however, fighting for an uncompromising position may lead to all parties becoming inflexible and a transaction that does not close. In fact, being forceful and antagonistic about your offer may make others become ill tempered and even possibly hostile to further negotiation.

One of the definitive texts on warfare, “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu, has also been a guiding resource for top negotiators. “The Art of War” doesn’t talk about going to the enemy and forcing them “to eat steel.” Rather, it is a thoughtful treatise on dealing with people. The upshot is that the best way to “win” is to prevent war through positioning, data, and understanding of the counterpart. In other words, negotiating to get your way may require positioning of the facts and being persuasive (rather than approaching the transaction with a take it or leave it attitude).

Negotiating tactics are an often misunderstood part of the real estate process. Hire a savvy real estate agent to assist you in collecting data and persuasively presenting your position. For a successful transaction – get out of your way!

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This article is not intended to provide nor should it be relied upon for legal and financial advice. This article was originally published the week of April 15, 2013. Using this article without permission is a violation of copyright laws. Copyright © 2013 Dan Krell.